Judy and I tell people we grew up in the same crib! My mother and her father were siblings, and our fathers were business partners. We are five weeks apart and growing up we spent every weekend together. That is why say we are “Custers”, cousins who are like sisters.
Judy has endured declining kidney health for many years. When she was told she should begin pursuing a transplant, I knew I would do anything to save her life. Just give me the phone number to call, I told her. It was important to me that I do this without putting any responsibility on Judy. She had enough to deal with. Of course, I first enlisted the support of my husband and three sons, and they agreed without hesitation.
I contacted the hospital, and the first step was a blood test. I remember when the nurse called to tell me I was not a match. I cried. But then she told me about the paired donation program and I felt such relief! I had never heard about it before, and it seemed perfect for our situation.
I underwent a lot of testing. I am 70, with lifelong high blood pressure. But I knew I was otherwise healthy, and very determined. It took months but I was approved as a suitable doner in the paired program. We waited several months…
In mid-December of 2025 I got the call! Was I still willing to donate? YES! It was scheduled for January 7, 2026. I was told that there was a paired chain of 5 donors and 5 recipients, and Judy and I would be the only ones in Michigan. It was a fragile wait. At any time, one of the 10 involved could break the chain. In fact, my intended recipient was no longer able to receive my kidney, but a replacement recipient was on standby! We cancelled plans to gather with others during the holiday season, in order to avoid getting sick.
January 7 finally arrived! I was scheduled to have my surgery in the morning at University of Michigan hospital, and my kidney was to be sent to another midwestern state. Judy’s kidney was coming from further away, so her surgery was scheduled for the evening. I remember being very calm before the surgery. My husband later told me that I was acting like I was going to get my nails done! He, however, was very nervous. My donor nephrectomy surgery went really well. I spent the night in the hospital and was released the following afternoon. I can’t say enough good things about the U of M transplant clinic staff. It took about two weeks for me to be able to move easily, but I would do it again in a minute!
It is I who have been the recipient of a tremendous gift. I feel such gratitude that I was given the opportunity to save a life. I am awed to be part of something so big, the donor chain involving ten people. It is too soon now, but I am hopeful that at some time in the future, the ten of us can meet!
But clearly, the best gift of all is knowing that I can have many more years of celebrations with my Custer.
My advice to others in this situation is this: If you are thinking about donating a kidney, there is only one question you should ask the recipient, and it isn’t about their blood type. Just ask for the phone number to call and then call it and start the process! If you are serious about donating, keep following through and pursuing donation. Many people stop at “I am not a blood type match”, but a paired donation removes that barrier. And know that you can exit the process at any time.
